FAQ Page: Indians

Welcome to the FAQ Page for Indians! We hope that you find this page helpful, and we are aware that you most likely will forget the answers and ask us these questions again.

“Can I be a sexy Pocahontas for Halloween even though I’m white?”

It seems like just like Christopher Columbus, you’ve got the wrong kind of Indian. This page is for South Asian Indians, not the indigenous people of North America. However, we can save you the trouble and tell you, no. You cannot be any form of Native American, and also just for future benefit, other people’s cultures are not your costumes, so just, like, don’t!

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“Can I wear a bindi at Coachella though?”

No. You cannot.

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“Wait, are you Asian or Indian?”

So it seems your geography teachers failed you. There’s this fun thing called Google where you can look up maps and stuff, but I’ll spare you that and just inform you that India is actually a part of Asia, and so in fact, Indians are Asian.

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“Do you speak Indian?”

There are 22 official languages in India. None of them are called “Indian” but good guess!

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“Are you Hindi?”

Mind blowing how you all mix these up! You guys are always just so close! Hindi is not a religion, or a type of person. You are looking for Hindu. It’s a “u” as in why are “u” like this?

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“So like, you’ve seen the Taj Mahal right?”

No, I have not. It’s about 30 hours away from where my family is. India is a very large country. I have not seen every part of it.

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“Why does your food smell like that?”

Because we have spices, something that the colonizers were after and somehow failed to incorporate into their diets.

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“So, everything is like Slumdog Millionaire right?”

Yes. All the money was won on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and everyone else is extremely poor and India is the only country that has poverty and no other country has socioeconomic issues. You got us.

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“Are you going to have an arranged marriage?”

Are you going to find someone who can tolerate your ignorance on your own? You worry about you, I’ll worry about me.

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“Wait, that wasn’t English! What are you saying?”

Honestly, we are probably shit talking you.

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